10 Common Clichés Divorcees Use When Trying to Get Through Divorce
Let’s face it. Your marriage wasn’t perfect. Your divorce will not be either. There are items to divide, emotions to deal with, and paperwork to sign. Divorce isn’t pleasant, and sometimes the best way to deal with it is complete honesty.
A Huffington Post article by Randall Kessler broke down the 10 most common clichés Divorcees use when trying to get through the unpleasant experience of divorce. Know the clichés so you can avoid these common pitfalls:
- It’s not about the money. You’re right, divorce isn’t about making sure you get “your half” or what you feel like you deserve. Divorce is about closure and about moving on. Don’t get stuck in fighting for “principle” and fight for what you actually feel is important. Divide your previous life as best as you can, and set your sights forward.
- Just wait until the judge hears what he/she did. A divorce is not a who’s right/who’s wrong battle. The court doesn’t really care whether one person was a worse partner. You don’t get a gold star for putting up with him/her for as long as you did. There are no trophies in divorce.
- I can’t believe they are going to bring that up. Sort of the reverse of #9. Hurt feelings can last a lifetime, and divorce is as good as any time for that emotion to resurface. While it’s not relevant, the anger might still be festering.
- I want him/her to go to jail for perjury. People lie. It is a crime, but proving it can be difficult. In these cases, the lies are often not significant enough to impact the case or change the outcome. If you lie to your attorney, you will be looking for a new attorney, but it’s important to weigh the risks and benefits of pursuing perjury.
- I’d rather pay my lawyer than pay my spouse anything. That’s a fun thing to say at the time, but chances are you will not feel this way forever. Arguing for the point of arguing is not going to solve anything. Focus on getting through the divorce and not on running up your legal bill.
- I don’t care how long it takes. You’ve already spent all of this time in an unhappy relationship; do you really want to keep dealing with the divorce proceedings? You will want to put this behind you.
- Can’t you tell the judge what a jerk he/she is? Nope. It won’t help your case, and the judge doesn’t really care. Stop the tit-for-tat argument and focus on the resolution.
- I want a “shark” for a lawyer. A mean, aggressive lawyer is not always the answer for a successful resolution. Divorce is emotional, but that doesn’t mean the only emotion available is aggression. Subtle and quiet strength can often be the ticket to a successful divorce proceeding.
- He/she’s a narcissist. Looking out for your own best interest is not being a narcissist. This is expected when dealing with your life: past and future. Focus on your own best interest or on the best interest of your children and family.
- It’s just stuff. Perfect! You may be ready to move forward and focus on the future. However, make sure you’re not sitting back and getting taken advantage of. See the big picture.